(I wrote this for a a magazine that has since decided it cannot use the material. Yet I feel compelled to share it, so my personal blog is the best space. Maybe someone will stumble upon it who can actually use it.)
Homeschooling for Peanuts
“What made you decide to homeschool?”
We homeschoolers are often asked why we homeschool. As if we can sum up what has become one of the most monumental choices of our life in a quick 3-minute conversation. Sometimes, people are looking to pick a fight. They oppose homeschooling and want to tell you just how wrong you are and why. I haven’t met any of these people, but I have heard there are one or two lurking about.
Sometimes, people are just curious. Seriously. Think about it. Before you considered homeschooling for your own family (assuming the fact that you weren’t one of the lucky children who blazed the trail for us in the early years) didn’t you think homeschooling a tad, different?
Many people are looking for a reason they can dismiss out-of-hand as something that doesn’t affect their family. A reason that doesn’t apply to them would not create any doubt in their own choices. I mean, if we all told them we feel home education is just plain superior to traditional schooling, where would that leave them?
I think that is why so many people give me the understanding nod and the “Oh, of course” comments whenever I tell them my daughter has a life threatening allergy to peanuts. “Of course you homeschool. I mean, it’s to protect her life, isn’t it? But that’s not something my family has to worry about...”
It’s true. I was staring preschool down its beastly throat when a light bulb suddenly blinked: HOMESCHOOL HOMESCHOOL HOMESCHOOL. Never before had such a non-conventional thought entered my head. Being a stay-at-home Mom was “alternative” enough for me in this day and age. I had been a corporate queen for heaven’s sake! Towing the company line was my life.
So, I had this epiphany. Homeschooling would keep my daughter alive. Homeschooling was the answer. But even after making the decision, I didn’t get it. Just like so many people do not understand the seriousness, the complexities, the depth of what a peanut allergy means to a child and her family, I had no idea of what learning at home really meant.
Over the next few years of reading, researching, and embracing this life that I never thought I’d call my own, I began to realize something profound. A peanut allergy might have brought us to homeschooling, but this method of education, this lifestyle, truly is superior. If my daughter’s allergy were to evaporate tomorrow (unlikely) we would continue to learn at home and never miss a beat.
In some areas of the country, there are families fighting practical wars in their attempt to keep their children safe in a traditional school setting. Their kids are being bullied and harassed, often chased or threatened with the offensive food. The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network does not advocate banning peanuts from schools, yet the reality is that schools are unable to keep kids safe. (Definitely not as safe as Mom and Dad can.) Yet, these families bristle when their opponent suggests they homeschool. I am not advocating that families should be forced to teach their child at home because of a disability. Nor am I suggesting that all families could or should homeschool. But it is something to consider. Put down the boxing gloves for 5 minutes and take the time to consider an alternative. I wish I could take those scared, tired parents and sit them down and explain what it would really mean to their family….
You will never worry about a phone call in the middle of the day telling you that your child won’t be coming home. You will never get that call. You can now exhale the breath you have been holding each morning and begin to savor the day for what it is - a gift for you, your child, and your family.
You get to set your own schedule. You get to enjoy every learning moment of each day and share in some of the most profound discoveries. MOM! Did you know that ants travel in a line and can lift 50 times their own weight? Or that ice melts faster in the sun than in the shade? Or that caterpillars form a tube-like thing and EMERGE AS A BUTTERFLY?! Mom, this is AMAZING!
You get to decide what is best for your child, whether it be the book, the toy, the friend, or the food. Your child gets to socialize. Actually socialize. You can surround yourself with friends that support your family and it’s choices. Friends who won’t form a battalion and picket when you suggest a PB&J-free park day.
Of course, this lifestyle, coupled with this disability, does not give you carte blanche to rule the roost. It is about taking responsibility. About balancing the needs of others with the unquestionable need to keep your child safe.
My family is lucky, but I do not think unique. We have made a number of wonderful, close friends (and have found an incredible support group) who think nothing of changing the menu, going over nutritional labels with me, or buying specific brands if it means my daughter can participate.
Birthday celebrations at our monthly park day have morphed into PhillySwirl® treats instead of a traditional store-bought cake. The Girl Scout troop (made up of all homeschoolers) eliminated snack time. Start times for my daughter and I sometimes fall after lunch has been served at events. Field trip organizers often ask venues about the menu, doing some initial leg work to keep my daughter safe. Some events or field trips we choose to skip so that our needs will not alter the core of the field trip.
Homeschooling does not shelter children from the realities of their disability. It affords them the time, space, and support to fully learn how to manage their allergy. They remain safe, while getting the best education possible.
How do you do it? With a lot of love and patience. With an open heart and the willingness to teach others about food allergies. With the knowledge that, even without a food allergy that could kill, homeschooling is still, without a doubt, the best thing for your child and your family.
Read the rest of Homeschooling for Peanuts
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39 to 24.