The Learning Nook

We let our Disney annual passes expire over a year and a half ago.  My daughter and I have been going through withdrawl, and my husband is tired of being tolerant while we whine, "We want Disney!"  So, I set a health goal for myself and, if met, we are getting those passes back and spending 2 glorious weeks immersed in the magic of The World.

2 glorious weeks, you ask?  Oh yes.  I love Disney for many reasons.  But one of the biggest is because of how they handle my daughter.  Yes, they are a huge mega-corporation.  Yes, they own most of Orlando.  Yes, they border on a dictatorship.  But they care.  

Is that possible?  I didn't think so until I experienced it myself.

Someone (a better writer than myself) recently wrote a piece that could have flowed from my own pen.  (Except that I use a keyboard and much less evocative language.)  I am posting it here so others can know *exactly* why I love Disney.  Because everything, EVERYTHING this woman wrote has happened to us.  

I truly cannot wait to go back.... 

We Were Not Disney People... But We Are Now!

(How Catering to Our Special Diets Won Us Over)

by Laura Schmitt

AllEars® Guest Columnist

We were not Disney people. Far from it, in fact. When Eric and I started dating 15 years ago, we considered ourselves a bit individualistic. We watched foreign films, ate ethnic food, listened to music you'd never hear on a radio and so on. With all our might, we ducked and weaved away from the flow of mainstream. When we became parents, we used cloth diapers, I nursed our babies. Heck, I made their baby food, sewed their dresses (OK, only some of them) and we made their toys! Notice a trend here?

So how did we end up in Walt Disney World? When did the first addictive bite begin? It all started with a little grain called gluten... let me explain.As our girls reached the ages of 3 and 6, I began talking to Eric about a family vacation. A BIG one. One that didn't involve us sleeping upstairs from my parents or his. Hmm... this was going to take some planning.

I began researching places and we had two BIG criteria to meet.First, it had to be a place we could drive or fly to affordably. We are smack dab in the center of the country and I was not about to spend $2000 to get to our destination! Chicago and St Louis were both in driving distance, but boy -- wouldn't it be nice to go to a beach?

I started looking and wouldn't you know that flights to Orlando, Florida, were cheap. Very cheap! We're talking a fraction of the cost of flying anywhere else in the country! Hmm... maybe the airline was trying to tell us something? Hey! Isn't DISNEY WORLD in Orlando? My husband protested, "We are NOT going to Disney World when Bella is only 3. She is too young. She'll be overwhelmed, overtired, over cranky... over it. No."

As any dedicated organizing mom would do, I started searching. Where, oh where, can a gluten-free, dairy-free family go for vacation? I found two places. A ranch in Wyoming and -- what is this? DISNEY WORLD!

But wait -- I could remember hearing the voice of my husband in the back of my joy. What was it he was saying? No Disney? Not Disney? Now Disney? Yes, that was it! He must have said NOW! Book that Disney vacation pronto! Of course that is what he meant. So, off I went to find a resort.

I approached Eric in the evening when the girls were in bed. I came armed with my information on where to stay and when. I told him in my sweetest voice that while I respected his decision to wait until Bella was 5 years old to go to Disney World, my hands were tied. It was the only place we could go where I didn't need to bring a kitchen along with me. And furthermore, Bella would be turning 4 that same month so she would be ALMOST 5, and that is when he said we could go, so it really is about, almost, exactly what he wanted!He started to protest a bit, I recall, and he repeated his concerns about Bella being too young. But I started showing him pictures of the resort and details of the low allergen foods and a recap of the discounts! My joy was just beaming from within. He was quickly convinced. While Eric doesn't like crowds, he loves his family of women, and he thought that Animal Kingdom Lodge was looking pretty cool. So we were officially booked!

Getting food figured out was as EASY as a gluten-free pudding pie! I just emailed the Executive Chef department of Magic Kingdom and they sent me an email attachment that I treasure as a piece of Disney Magic right in my very own inbox. It was a listing of where and what we could eat that was gluten-free and dairy-free in the World. Wow. It listed restaurants that could easily accommodate us and spots for finding snacks. Oh, how I loved that happy email attachment. Life was looking fine! Now all we had to do was wait a few weeks and we would be on our way.

While we were dining in Disney World, the chefs came to our table at the start of every meal. We found that there were plenty of gluten-free, dairy-free choices and we were feasting like kings and queens. Often, the chefs seemed to enjoy our food restrictions as a fun challenge to mix it up a bit. Maybe cooking the same ol' steak night after night gets boring? Who knows, but everywhere we went, the chefs always made us feel incredibly special and well taken care of.

In the mornings, we headed down to our hotel quick service restaurant, called Mara, for breakfast. I would start by going up to the counter to let them know that we'd need gluten-free dairy-free breakfast. This was the cue for the chef to come out and greet us. Now, I always feel badly about this. I KNOW they are busy back there in the kitchen and I KNOW they really don't love to just up and drop everything to come talk to me, but you would never know it for how nice the chefs are at Disney World. And let me tell you something -- Chef Eddie at Mara was no exception! He brought my daughter gluten-free, dairy-free waffles and he made me dairy-free eggs with fruit. Not only did he hook us up, but he came out to check on Taylor, he asked her if she liked her food, complimented her on her cool endangered animal t-shirt and found out if she was available to date one of his sons in the future.

I liked Chef Eddie. I like people who treat my family so special. I like it when my little girl doesn't have to be the only one left out of things at social events involving food. I liked that she got some extra positive attention in Disney World. And I liked that everyone in my family was happy. What's not to like? (And did I mention I liked the vacation from my kitchen duties? Oh yeah. That was a BIG bonus!)

One of our dinners was a character meal at a place called Liberty Tree Tavern. Now, we come from Iowa, where a good meal consists of lots of meat, potatoes, corn, butter, and probably some sort of pie or cake. We are farm food kind of people, even with our love of ethnic foods. Some things you just can't change. Give me a Thanksgiving dinner and I'm a happy girl. I told our server about our food allergies and a chef came out promptly.

They brought us a ton of gluten-free, dairy-free food. We had ham, turkey, potatoes, gravy made with rice flour, buns, you name it! It was like Thanksgiving on steroids! I was in my childhood joy with a feast before me that was so yummy and nostalgic. Taylor was so easy to feed here, as there were so many gluten-free, dairy-free options to be had! She paused from her eating to say, "Mama, they sure have a lot of gluten-free bread in Florida!"

It was at this meal that we were celebrating Bella's 4 (almost exactly 5) year-old birthday! I asked, with all the hope I could muster in my voice, if they had a cupcake for Bella and a -- gulp -- gluten-free, dairy-free dessert for my other daughter.

Did they ever. I could kiss every person in that place! They brought Bella a chocolate cupcake with sprinkles. She LOVED it with all her might. Chocolate is her favorite, of course. Here was our little Bella. Turning 4 in Disney World. How could we EVER top that? We were so happy that we could give her that moment. That memory. Pluto clapping as her birthday song was sung -- chocolate cake, sprinkles, Mom, Dad, big sister, and Bella in her finest princess style sporting her extremely large birthday button. Her face was pressed back in such a determined smile that new dimples were established on her cheeks that very night. She was so beautiful, perfect, and happy in that moment.

And as if a mama needs more than that to fill her cup of joy -- well, as if I needed or could even withstand any more happiness -- out comes the chef with a gluten-free, dairy-free chocolate brownie in the shape of a little Bundt pan. It was served warm with one large scoop of Vanilla Rice Dream on top.

Perfect. I love those people and those mice, and the dogs, and that Goofy -- all of it. Taylor was so happy to NOT be left out of Bella's birthday dessert. Really, so happy. Taylor is always left out of what the other kids have for desserts. Of course I send her desserts, but hers are always different and not the same. Well, this time she felt that hers was even BETTER! She was so enjoying herself. We all were. I hated for that dinner to end.

With as much fun, joy, and inclusion as we had during our five days at Disney, it was a no-brainer that we'd be going back again. We've been twice since 2007 with another trip planned in 2008! I'm sure it will be our family staple for vacations for years to come. I would like to say we're there because of the rides, the castle, the characters. I'd like to say it is purely for my children. True, the joy that beams from their faces is worth its weight in gold. But how could I be honest without mentioning that Disney World is the ONLY break I get from my kitchen all year long? And what a break it is! We dine like royalty. We are never without a thing when we are in Disney World and my daughter is always included in all aspects of our family vacation. I am so thankful the chefs are capable and willing to handle our allergies and I dare to hope that other restaurants, maybe even here in Iowa, will pick up on Disney's approach to dealing with allergies.

So, we started off in January 2007, skeptical about Disney, but ready to eat some good gluten-free and dairy-free food. Little did we know that we had bitten into a newfound travel addiction that would stretch our imaginations almost as much as it would stretch our budget! What's in store for our family in 2008, 2009? More Disney.

You can bet I'll be back to tell you! We are officially Disney people, now, and there's no stopping us. We have to feed our addiction with small bits of magic, pixie dust, and the occasional overwhelming heaping of joy. You know the kind. The kind that melts tall strong fathers and brings them to a pile of mush... the kind that brings families and friends together... the kind that makes new dimples appear on little cheeks from excessive smiling... the kind that warms my heart and brings a mist to my eyes whenever I think about it. Yeah, we are gonna need more of that kind of magic. 

Read the rest of My Love Affair with The Mouse

Seems like it took years and years, but when an impatient Mom is coupled with an hiatus in bookwork - well, it can start to get ugly. In reality, it only took 2 months or so, but The Library is finally open. Sydney doesn't want to call it the "schoolroom," but it is basically where we do all our homeschooling. So she came up with "The Library."

The stars were traced onto WallPops and then cut out. Lots of the smaller stars and stuff were made with punches. Everything, rhinestones included, were put up on the wall one by one.

Sydney got a new dresser recently and I almost sold her old one at the garage sale. Then I realized it would make a great art & sewing cabinet!

Look at that! Empty bookshelf space! Looks like a trip to the bookstore is in order.

A close-up. The pictures don't do it justice, really. When the sun hits the room (most of the day) everything just sparkles!

Read the rest of The “Library” is open!!

Family trip to Disney!!

We had a wonderful time, though a melancholy veil was over us as this is the last trip before we let our passes expire (drat the insurance costs in Florida!).

Why is it the simplest things are loved the most? The sand pit at Animal Kingdom is Sydney's mecca. She could spend hours and hours there. Go figure.

The Campfire Sing-Along was fun again this year. Of course, her favorite part is the marshmallows!

Someone didn't want to leave Minnie's house!

WOW! 3rd ride in 30 minutes. I was out after one. Syd & Tom are near the back of the train on Big Thunder Mountain.

Feeling brave, Syd strikes a pose with Chum.

Read the rest of Monday, February 5 ~ Sunday, February 11, 2007 Disney Trip!!

Me: "The Arctic terns migrate from the Arctic to the Antarctic every fall and then turn around in the spring and fly back from the Antarctic to the Arctic."

SmartAleck: "When do they go see Uncle Arctic?"

Read the rest of Frigid Relatives

Today, Sydney and I spent most of the day outside on a blanket doing school work. If she didn't need to do pencil work, she would play on her playset while I read out loud, or asked questions, or we talked about the topic. In all, it was a pleasant day - but she could tell there was a cloud hanging over me.

Somehow, I've entered into a disagreement with a close friend and it is hurting me to no end. She is not at fault and, I am pretty sure, I am not at fault either. It is just one of those things that we did not initally see eye to eye on something and there is now a tension. I'm feeling abandoned, but I'll bet she's feeling the same. I hope this tension will pass and we will be able to appreciate each other again without judging intentions, or feeling defensive.

Anyway, this friend is very spiritual and she has given me guidance, support, and tools for coping in the past. Since I could not be with her tonight as planned, I felt strongly that I wanted to be near her essence. So, along with my special stones, I brought my Angel, Fairy, Goddess, and Abe cards outside on the blanket with Sydney and I.

We spent time pulling cards and reading our messages. Sydney enjoyed looking through each card in the deck and finding the "prettiest" (or most exotic). Me, I was just looking for some direction. I think Sydney could tell where my pain was coming from - she pulled out a card and gave it to me saying, "this is for you, so that you cherish your friends forever."

I do. I really do.

Read the rest of The wisdom of little ones…

I can't believe it has been 10 days since I last posted something. A lot has happened in that time. Not a lot of school - at least not the traditional kind. But a lot, none-the-less.

Most importantly, my sister had her baby! Hayden William was born 8 days early on September 18th and still weighed 9 1/2 pounds! Whew! He's had some trouble and ended up in hospital for an extended stay. But all seems improved now and this afternoon they were finally able to come home. It is killing me that I can't be there for my sister. I hope she knows I am thinking of her.

Here's the cutie!

We also had a 3 day vacation to Disney. Of course, we ended up needing a vacation from our vacation. I don't know what it is. We go there aaaalllllllllllll the time, but we still run around like lunatics and try to cram as much into each day as we can. Luckily, this was easily done since the parks were SOOO empty. One morning we rode Big Thunder Mountain 3 times in a row without ever getting off!

While we were at Disney, I was able to visit with a good friend from my Iowa days who was here vacationing with her immediate and extended family. It was funny how it all worked out - she was coming to FL the same time we scheduled our Disney vacation. Then we found out she was actually going to Disney too. THEN we found out we were staying in the same hotel! We didn't end up in rooms next to each other like we predicted, but that's OK. We got to spend a couple of wonderful hours together letting the kids swim and catching up with each other. My spirit was lifted to see her again. I last saw her when we left Iowa 5 1/2 years ago. This was the woman who held my hand through a miscarriage, a new (but unsteady) pregnancy, a cyst on Syd's brain, genetic testing, hydronephrosis, a labor from HELL, and the tenuous beginning of my journey as a new mother. She is the most gentle, upbeat, positive woman I know and I am a better person for having her in my life.

So, that's about the highlights. We had Girl Scouts, drama classes, gymnastics, etc. in the last 10 days too. I think even a spanish co-op or two. Lots of reading and on-the-fly learning. (Epcot is a BOON to every homeschooler!) But now we're ready to get back into the groove.

Read the rest of I’m back…

It's 2 am and I still can't sleep. They say if you write about something, you can work through it and find some closure. I don't know. Maybe it's nothing, but I feel so beat up I'm going to at least try. I'm going to write a letter to the people I wasn't able to speak clearly to today. Will I send it? Probably not. But maybe it will silence the sounds in my head.

Dr. Dr. Devoe and Donna,

Today didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I am sorry that Sydney was unable to complete the skin-prick allergy test. She really is a wonderful child. Normally, she doesn't have a problem with medical procedures. Maybe it took her by surprise. I never thought you'd want a test today. We are usually thorough about walking through any procedure step-by-step at home - before we do it. We didn't get a chance to today.

I am sorry if Sydney frustrated you. I was shocked by her reaction. She doesn't have that look of terror in her eyes over too many things. I had no choice but to take it seriously. It may have been just a simple skin prick test to you, but to a frightened little 6 year old, it was terrifying. I knew as soon as she started crying that you'd be mad. I knew that you would resist when I told you what I wanted tested on her bloodwork.

I don't get emotional about many things. Not weepy-emotional anyway. But when I feel backed in a corner over Sydney's food allergies I find it hard to maintain composure. Never did I expect to be met with resistance in her allergists office.

Sydney almost died 5 years ago. She was a sweet 19 month old baby without a care in the world. In an instant, she almost died. Not quietly, silently slipping away. But a violent, wrenching, painful death. I will carry the image of her on that ER table to my grave. I must. It has kept me vigilant these last 5 years. It has kept her alive.

Sydney has as normal a life as I can give her. She has many friends who love her. She is very smart. She is very funny. She cares so much about the world around her and the people in it. But there is so much she doesn't know. She doesn't know what it is like to eat in a restaurant. She doesn't know what school is - we homeschool. She doesn't know what it is like to leave your house each day without having to make sure your life-saving medication is with you. She just doesn't know. My desire to have her blood tested for so many foods was an effort to help her become just a little bit more normal. If there is some food we avoid, that we really don't need to, I'd like to change that.

Donna, you were impressed that we have gone 5 years and never had a reaction. You congratulated us. Whatever I am doing, it is obviously working. I understand Dr. Devoe told you just 5 foods could be tested for. I know that. But how could you tell me it is MY CHOICE to keep those other foods out of my house? How many children have you seen that are allergic to just one food? Not many. What did you want me to do? Sit her at my kitchen table and give her a shrimp and see if she dies?

Testing for just 5 things seemed like a punishment for Sydney's behavior. Yes, I understand more blood is needed for more things. But at 2 years old, she was tested for 10 things. Why would you limit it now? It was spiteful. As was slamming the file, and the door, as I called after you asking you to come back to discuss it. I've never had a medical professional be so, well, unprofessional before.

I will never back down when advocating for my daughter. She lost an entire year seeing her grandparents because they refused to "get it." I have spent countless hours educating others on food allergies. I have transformed my life and my kitchen in order to create as normal food experiences as I can for Sydney. I have lived in fear for 5 years. I will not have anyone judge my family for our CHOICE to keep highly allergenic foods out of the house until she is tested.

We're going to try this one more time. My hope is that you will remember you are dealing with a little girl. A sweet little girl who was just scared and needed some understanding. I am going to focus my energy on a good encounter for our next meeting. I hope this wish somehow reaches you and you receive us in the same spirit.

Read the rest of Dear Dr. Devoe & Donna…

My sister is expecting her first child and has expressed an interest in homeschooling. I am SO excited! I want to put together a list of articles, books, and resources that will help her feel comfortable with her choice and to get an idea of just how diverse homeschooling can be. I am specifically looking for articles/books on:

Methods of homeschooling (Classical, Charlotte Mason, unschooling, etc)

"A Day in the Life" examples

Benefits of homeschooling

Books to encourage the new or veteran homeschooler (do you have a favorite author/writer/thinker?)

Putting together a curriculum

Homeschooling the upper grades

Homeschooling & college

Famous homeschoolers

I am going to maintain a page on this blog with all of this information, so anything you contribute can help others as well!

Read the rest of Looking for your favorite “new homeschooler” resources….

We haven't seen my sister-in-law and her family for nearly two years. (They live about 45 minutes away.) We moved back to Florida from Iowa when Syd was a year old because I had delusions of having family involved in her life. *MY* family is involved in her life, VERY. For that I am very grateful.

But the other side of the family isn't. That hurts a lot because of how I practically lived for those kids when they were small. I was very involved in their lives and had hoped for the same for Syd.

But times change and people move on. My sister-in-law's kids are grown now and they have little time for a 6 year old.

But a few weeks ago, my brother-in-law lost his 46 year old brother to a stroke and they realized (as we all did) how little time we really have together. So, they invited everyone (including us - shockingly) over for a BBQ this weekend.

Sydney got to re-meet much of her family. She didn't remember anyone. She had such a great time there. They live on 2 1/2 acres out in the middle of nowhere and raise chickens, pigs, etc. There is a pond for fishing complete with ducks. My niece normally has a steer as well, but not this time.

I am glad Sydney got to see everyone. I am glad that she got to spend time "on the farm." (Especially happy that her 20 year old cousin gave her the honor of naming his only female piglet. She chose "Savannah.") But I realized how little we have in common with them anymore and I shouldn't wish for something that will never be.

Read the rest of Family…

Sydney is sick again. AGAIN. This poor kid. She is such a strong healthy kid (normally anyway). But she gets on these jags where she picks up any little bug coming down the pike. She actually had pneumonia on May 1st! By the 10th she was clear. By the 27th she was sick again and had a 102.9 temp. Cleared up again after a week or so. And now, here we are again battling this cough. I'm putting so much medication down this little girls throat. Sometimes it seems asthma-ish so I do a nebulizer treatment. She was complaining of a headache too. No kidding! With this much coughing, I've got a headache too. LOL!

I've had to wake her up for the last 2 nights to do nebulizer treatments. Both of us are dragging. This is getting crazy. Can her immune system be weak? I am going to take her to the pediatrician yet again tomorrow morning. I hope they can help her find some comfort. I may need to consider doing some immune system testing like her prior allergist wanted to do. But I just don't want to go there.

Read the rest of Illnesses

Today was Sydney's birthday. OK, since it is 1 in the morning on the 8th, it was technically yesterday - the 7th. But I digress... Today was Sydney's birthday. It started out real nice - I let Sydney make all the decisions in the morning and made a big deal out of the Birthday Girl. Then she opened up her presents from her father and I. He was going to be away all night, so we decided to let her open them with me. She loved them all. But one optical illusion kit I got her was missing the 100 page book that was needed for the tricks/experiments. Amazing how I let that drive me crazy and start my bad mood.

Then I had to start making the cake for park day tomorrow. We decided to go. It was hard for me, visualizing how I would handle my own disappointment when talking with my friends who missed her party Saturday. That probably pushed me further into a bad mood. Then while I am making the cake, Sydney is pestering me NON-STOP to taste absolutely every ingredient that goes into the cake - repeatedly. Really driving me nuts. I had a few phone calls that put me behind and then heard from my mother-in-law that told me my brother-in-laws brother just had a massive stroke and died. He was 46. I just can't even begin to comprehend. Staggering. Tom is going to be 43 this year. 43. Life is so short.

Anyway, back to Syd's birthday.... A good friend invited us over to play this afternoon. I was going to cancel after I realized it was Sydney's actual birthday (having her party on Saturday threw me off). But I left it up to Syd and she decided she wanted to go on the playdate. Surprise, surprise.

I don't think I can explain exactly what that "visit" meant to me. Unbeknownst to me, our friends that had been unable to come to Sydney's party on Saturday had gotten together and planned a surprise party for her! They felt bad for missing her party and wanted celebrate with her. Sydney walked into that house and everyone screamed SURPRISE! I just couldn't believe it. Almost everyone was there that we had originally invited. The only missing person was one who HAD made it Saturday, but is currently under quarantine for newly discovered lice. See - homeschoolers miss out on NOTHING.

Sydney was on cloud 9. They had pizza, presents, Phillyswirls, lots of playtime, and so much love. I was overwhelmed. I know that no one missed her party on purpose. Logically, I knew that. These are all really good people with really good hearts. But of course, it still hurt. So to have them come together and do this for Sydney...I'm just speechless. Even now.

I am so grateful for the smiles on her face today.

Read the rest of Happy Birthday Sydney!

There used to be a day when babies were born into families and generations of women were surrounding the newborn with love. The new mother was supported and cared for. She was taught in a loving environment how to handle her new bundle. If she made mistakes, someone was able to gently guide her. Someone could calm her fears. Mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, sisters, aunts, neighbors, friends, everyone gave advice and help as needed.

Today we are sterile. We get all of our information from books written by anonymous people who do not know us, our family, or our babies. They tell us what we MUST do and MUST NOT do and turn us into complete and total lunatics. Paranoid parenting. That's what I call it. Today we live in a world where we treat with skepticism any advice from family or friends. We believe a doctor we barely know more than the women who know us. We distrust our instincts and follow the advice of a stranger.

Why is that? When did this happen? Who convinced us, as a whole, that authors and doctors were the ones with all the answers? Why do we put up walls whenever we get advice from someone without a PH.d.? Never mind they have 6 kids. No PH.d., no dice. Why is it that we can't accept "I remember when...." and "Your really ought to..." for what they are? An attempt to make a human connection. An effort to share in this incredible energy of life.

My sister is pregnant and I am SOOOOOO happy for her. She is going to be an amazing Mom. But she has been angry lately with people who offer her unsolicited advice (not me; sort of ). I am so sad for her. I can see how much richer life would be if we all just put down our shields and allowed each other in. I'm not knockin' my sister. Not one little bit! I was the original, "I read in a book...." or "My doctor said...." kind of girl. I never asked for advice and never wanted any - unless it came from a book.

I am just starting to be able to hear others opinions without immediately getting defensive. I can see that they are not criticizing me, not judging. They are sharing their experience so that my life can be made easier. So that I can see an issue from another angle. So that I think of something that I hadn't. So that their struggle was not in vain. So that I am not alone.

I love my sister so much. I love her new baby already. I hope she knows that she is not alone.

Read the rest of It takes a village…

I feel like I have been dredged through a lake of gravel and amazingly made it to the other side intact. Last week I had horrible news that nearly shattered my world. I knew that it would come to pass this weekend and, though I dreaded it, I did my best to center myself with what I know to be true - I cannot control anything outside myself. Nor should I try. D. read my cards more than once last week and the message was the same - my future demanded I nurture myself. Whatever else shall pass is outside of my control.

D. suggested I envision the problem being worked out. Visualize happiness, and send my energy to those that need it. In the past, I would call that denial, but instead I concentrated on using positive thoughts and seeing with my mind's eye a happy resolution.

Today I received word that not only will my world not be shattered, life is happy, and great, and a new beginning. I am going to use this experience to refocus my family on what is real and important and yet so fragile.

Never, never take those you love for granted.

Read the rest of New beginnings…

I am feeling better today. D. is right - I know exactly what I need to do and I shouldn't worry about what others think. I obsess when I need to. Obviously, it works. Syd has had one reaction. Ever.

OK, so today I am going to embrace her peanut allergy. I am concentrating on what I love about it. How does it make my life better? Why does it make me thankful?

1. It has caused us to be very aware of the foods we eat and, hopefully, that will remain with Sydney and encourage her to make healthy choices.

2. Restaurant meals are virtually eliminated. Huge $$$ savings.

3. PA is sooooo easy to deal with compared to multiple food allergies. I am grateful we just have PA. I can make Sydney practically anything. No substitutions.

4. It could be so, so much worse. I have known 2 little girls in my life who have died from leukemia. I consistently gave blood to one of them over a period of a year, naively thinking I was making a difference. At least with PA I do have some level of control. I have a good chance of keeping Sydney well, and alive.

5. PA brought us to homeschooling. I had never considered it before. Though we are now committed to homeschooling and would continue even if the allergy disappeared tomorrow, we wouldn't be here right now if not for PA.

6. It has helped me see people as they really are. How they feel on the inside. There are people who get it, people who don't, and those that get it but refuse to care. I have known them all. I can recognize them all. Without PA, I might have thought some people had a good heart, just by the facade they project.

Read the rest of What I LOVE about this Peanut Allergy

I can feel myself going through another cycle. I feel like I am talking too much about Syd's peanut allergy again. Maybe because the 4 year anniversary of her reaction was a month or two ago. When people ask me questions, I feel like I tend to give too much information. Or too much enthusiasm. I feel like I am *always* talking about it. I don't want to bore my friends, but it seems like we always end up on that topic. And I don't want to! There is so much more to Sydney than this damn allergy. Yet it permeates every facet of our lives. My friends analyze what they eat when we're not even around! LOL! I don't want Sydney to hear it brought up so much that she starts identifying with her allergy alone.

We have such wonderful friends. They have shown nothing but love and understanding. I can't believe how lucky we are. A year and a half ago we had to stop visiting my in-laws because they refused to protect Sydney. It is so amazing to me that we are surrounded by so many great people.

Maybe I am talking about it more because it has been so long since her reaction. I fear every day for a reaction. I barely recognized the first one. Would I see it in time if it happens again? Would it happen quicker this time? People die within 5 minutes. I won't get much time to debate myself. What would Sydney do this time? She'd remember it, that's for sure. She might stop trusting me, if I let her eat something that causes a reaction. Or she might not make it. I can't even describe the feeling that thought gives me.

I am going to the FPEA convention in May with some friends. I started hyperventilating when I realized I would be away on Sydney's last day of gymnastics camp. There are *so* many things that could go wrong. Sometimes I get paralyzed with fear. I thought about not going to the convention. Or not letting her go to last day of camp. But there are so many ways she/we are restricted already - I don't want to impose limitations out of fear. I don't want to be like that.

Most days we get along fine with this PA. But sometimes I want to stand on a roof and scream at the top of my lungs "IT"S NOT FAIR!!!!!!" Other times, I want to curl up in a fetal position in my closet and cry for what we have lost. No, I still have Sydney, but we lost much of the simple joys of childhood. I mourn the life she'll never know. I mourn my chance at being a normal Mom.

Read the rest of The voices in my head